anonymous
by eu-nao-sou-um-chapeu
Summary: And she thought the best thing in Russian I class would be sitting behind her crush. -Or: another fic based on @skygem's Retirement AU!


Based on skygem's Retirement AU with blindiemac's addition, with brief reference to dadvans and lazulisong's My Husband AU

(These AUs give me life and you should totally read them. Like, right now. Go.)

* * *

It all starts on a Wednesday - which is quite odd, if you ask her, because nothing much usually happens on Wednesdays; it's always about the Mondays, Fridays, Saturdays, Sundays or even Tuesdays or Thursdays (on this specific order), not Wednesdays.

Rachel bites a nail and purposely ignores Hana and Tsuki's endless banter, instead wondering what on Earth she is doing there. Wednesdays are for lying on that old red couch all day, and not early morning Russian I classes.

(9 a.m. _is_ early when you stayed up to 4 a.m.)

The man sitting in front of her messes his black hair and she sighs.

Right. Paul takes this class and Rachel has it bad.

When she heard Paul talking to his friends about taking Russian classes, it seemed a good idea to take it too: she'd get to see her crush while getting the extra credits she needed. That's what they say: when life gives you lemons, make lemonade or something like that.

Now, waking up 7 in the morning to learn a complicated language she wasn't even sure she would ever use in her life – she is studying arts, for God's sake –, it doesn't look so appealing. Honesty, she doesn't even like lemonade.

At least she gets to stare at Paul's back.

This was what she would be doing the entire morning, if her eyes didn't fall on the man standing unsure by the door. He is chewing his lower lip and frowning behind blue glasses, big brown eyes scanning the room. She probably stares for a couple of minutes, since he stops studying the room and meets her gaze.

"Uh, hi. Is this Miss Sweeney's class?"

Rachel nods – she is 83% sure that's their teacher's name – and watches as the Asian-looking man walks to the empty seat to her right. "Thanks." A light pink paints his round and soft cheeks. "I'm Yuuri, by the way."

"I'm name- I mean, my name- it's Rachel."

He adjusts his glasses and his lips curl up in a sweet, dazzling smile, not seeming to mind her choked words.

"It's nice to meet you, Rachel."

Her heart twirls.

Oh no.

.

.

.

By their third Russian I class, it's pretty obvious she is not the only one smitten with Yuuri.

" _Privet_ , Sweeney- _sensei_! How are you feeling?"

Tsuki sighs. "God, it kills me when he talks this Russian, Japanese and English thing."

(It took them a whole afternoon to make Tsuki understand _Enrupanese_ was definitely not a word and that yes, _Rupanglish_ was even worse and that no, they were not using any of her make-believe words.)

"I know, right?"

With a jump – and a shriek – she turns to find Paul facing them.

Tsu lies over Rachel's desk. "Don't tell me you have a crush on Yuuri too?!"

"Who doesn't?" Paul says and shrugs. His arm falls on her desk and Rachel has to bite her lip so she doesn't shriek – again.

"Oh!" Hana laughs. "It's funny, actually, because Rachel has the biggest crush-"

"On Yuuri. Too. I have a crush on him too." Rachel laughs awkwardly. "Like everyone in this class, I have a crush on Yuuri."

Paul nods sympathetically.

It's not an entirely lie. She just has a bigger crush on Paul himself. That he doesn't need to know.

"Hum." Tsu taps the desk. "I'm Tsuki."

"I'm Hana!"

"Rachel." She offers, sinking a bit on her chair.

"My name's Paul." He smiles politely at them and then turns to Rachel. "We had watercolor classes together last term, I think."

"Uuh, yes, I think so."

Tsuki scoffs. " _'Think_.'"

Hana laughs. "Congrats, now you're not some unknown stalker anymore!"

Paul grimaces. "What-"

Ignoring Paul's flustered look, she waves. "Yuuri, good morning!"

Yuuri greets them and thankfully that's enough distraction: Tsuki and Hana turn to him with heart eyes and forget all about teasing her.

"Yuuri, that's a pretty coat you're wearing today."

"Ah, this? Thanks. Vitya likes dressing me up sometimes."

Rachel turns a little to look at Paul- crap, he is looking at her.

"Vitya has good tast-"

"Yuuri! Is that a, uh, poodle pencil case?" She asks, to pretend she wasn't staring, and just looking around instead. "And a poodle notebook? And a poodle phone case?" She knits her brows. "Is that a poodle pattern on your shirt?"

"Ah." Yuuri laughs and pushes his bangs form his eyes. "People tend to give me poodle related things all the time. You know." Yuuri shrugs and laughs again. "Is it weird that I like it and use them?"

"What? No."

"It's cute, actually." Paul says. Rachel perks up. Should she wear poodle related things too?

"Super cute. Dogs are the best."

"What? Tsu, you always say you're a cat person-"

"Dogs are my favorite animal, what are you saying Hana?"

.

.

.

There is something about watching your best friends bonding with _your_ crush over _their_ crush – who's also low-key your new crush – that Rachel hasn't decided if it's good or bad yet.

She takes another sip of her juice and wonders how exactly she ended in this situation. Paul sits between her and Tsu, drinking a coke and eating a sandwich, like it's the most normal thing in the world.

"He walks as if he's, I don't know, dancing?"

"Yeah, so graceful. I wonder if he ever took dance classes."

"Can you imagine if he ever did ballet? Gosh, that would be the greatest thing ever. Just imagine it."

"Alright but did I say it does things to me when he mixes all those languages in one sentence?"

Rachel rolls her eyes. "Yes, Tsu, you make every conversation about it lately. But I have to admit- it _does_ make you wonder what it would be like in bed."

"My thoughts, exactly!" Paul drops his sandwich and chuckles.

Tsuki snorts. "Maybe _you two_ should wonder that together on a be- Hana! You're spitting your milk through the nose, stop laughing!"

Rachel stands up and scowls. "Great talking to you guys, but I gotta go."

"You're going already?"

"It's almost time I start my shift." ' _And you are embarrassing me on purpose again_ ' she implies with a glare.

They must get it, because Tsuki sneers and Hana stares as if Rachel's being silly. (She should tell Hana you don't get to mock people when you have two napkins shoved in your nose.)

"Ah, you work half period at the library, right? I need to get a book." Paul throws his soda can in the garbage and shoves the rest of his sandwich in the mouth in a way she would find terribly gross under other circumstances (if she didn't have a stupid crush, that is). "Let's go together."

.

.

.

Rachel pulls her bag over her shoulder as Hana, Paul and Tsuki walk to the door.

They do this a lot now: every Wednesday they have lunch together and gush about Yuuri among other things.

(One rainy day her mother called to scold her for leaving the umbrella at home and she ended the call to find her friends - and crush - engaged in a discussion about her ring tone. "Her voice is pitched and it's annoying." Tsuki said. "Honestly, all their songs sound the same to me." Hana agreed. "I enjoy their songs, they're relaxing." Paul shrugged and Rachel stopped in the middle of rolling her eyes to excitedly incline over the table: "That's exactly what I say! And Etsuko's voice is cute- Wait, you know _Soutaiseiriron_?")

Her eyes accidentally lie on the Japanese at her side, quietly putting his things in his bag and she suddenly realizes it: no one interacts with Yuuri. Everybody is always busy piercing him with doe eyes and sighing every time he talks, but nobody actually _talks_ to him more than the occasional 'good morning's and 'how are you's. He arrives and leaves alone every lesson.

He does seem very private and probably stays alone by choice. But what if by any chance Yuuri feels lonely or out of place because everybody is too nervous to talk to him?

Rachel bites her cheek.

"Hey, um, Yuuri?"

He turns to look at her and his pencil falls in the ground. With a blush, he takes it and gives her a sheepishly smile.

"I was- Lunch." Rachel swallows and desperately tugs her hair, trying to cover her burning cheeks. "I mean, with us. Would you like to have lunch?"

Yuuri just stares, probably trying to figure out:

a) what she meant from the nonsense she just babbled;

b) how to refuse it without sounding rude; or

c) how she dares to ask Yuuri-oh-so-out-of-her-league to have lunch with her.

Before she apologizes and run away, he smiles though.

"That would be nice!" And then he frowns. "Won't your friends mind?"

"No, no, no. Not at all." Tsuki shouts.

"We'd appreciate it a lot!"

"Well then…" He closes his bag and pull over his shoulder and follow them out of the classroom "I'd like to, thanks."

Paul winks at her and if her legs hadn't turned into jelly yet, now they have.

They take a table with enough seats and spend some minutes with awkward small talk until Yuuri looks at his phone and squeals. They drop their conversation and stare as a sweet, adorable, pink takes over his cheeks.

"S-sorry. It's just that the Grand Prix circuit was just sorted and Phichit-kun will be competing on Skate America!"

"Phichit?"

"He is a Thai skater." Yuuri adjusts his glasses a bit embarrassed, but there's a pleased smile on his face and he bounces excitedly. "This is his last season, he said, so I'm cheering for him. Not that I didn't before. Well, you get it." He gestures and gives a resigned smile.

"Ah. Are you going to watch the Grand Prix?" Hana asks, happy for finding a subject to talk about.

"Of course. I don't think there's a year I haven't watched it since I was twelve."

"Wow, so you followed all the Nikiforov Era! Obviously, you are his fan, right?"

Yuuri giggles.

Rachel chokes on her strawberry milk because Yuuri _giggles._

"Obviously. He is my _husbando_."

There's a deep intake of breath by her side – Paul dying, probably.

"He is an ice skating fanboy, oh my god. This is the cutest thing ever." Tsuki says under her breath.

Hana claps.

"Oh, great! I don't follow the man's competition, but I watch the woman's. Well, only the ones where Evgenia Medvedeva is, to be honest. She is kind of my _waifu_."

"Wow! What a coincidence!"

"Yeah. It's hard to find people who even know what ice skating is around here." Hana sends a pointed glare at Rachel and Tsu's direction while Yuuri nods with enthusiasm.

"I saw her SP at the last World's. She is very good."

Hana nods. "Her jumps are amazing." She frowns. "Viktor is coaching that Russian boy now, right? Are you cheering for him too?"

"Of course. He is our small and angry son."

"Paul," Rachel whispers, eyes glued to the excited and giggling Japanese. "if I don't make it, tell my mom I love her."

"Can't do." He answers with a sigh. "I'm going right after you."

.

.

.

Next Wednesday, Professor Sweeney has barely dismissed them when Gabriela jumps: "Yuuri, we are having lunch just outside the campus today! Would you like to join us?"

Yuuri blinks before nodding. "Uh, sure!"

Tsuki is... Not pleased.

"That envious bitch saw us together and now thinks she can do the same!"

"Technically, she can. I mean, we don't own him."

"I talked to him first-"

" _I_ talked to him first."

"- and I invited him to lunch first-"

"You mean _I_ invited him to lunch."

"- it's like automatic dibs!"

"You're impossible."

The next week Lee and Tom drag Yuuri out of the class.

And it's like this the next week. And the next.

The last straw is when they arrive to find Lisa sitting on Rachel's spot.

"Hell no." She says and drops her bag on the desk. "Just no."

Lisa opens her mouth to argue, probably, when Tsuki kicks the teacher desk.

"Alright! Before it gets even more ridiculous, we have some things to sort out."

Five minutes later, when Yuuri arrives, everyone is sitting on their respective places and nobody says a word when Tsuki asks him to have lunch together after class.

.

.

.

"So, Yuuri" Paul says, swallowing his sandwich. (He is always eating sandwiches. Does he ever have proper meals?) "Do you have a Facebook?"

"Yes! Do you have one, Yuuri?" Hana claps her hands.

They gave up finding Yuuri online after six failed attempts – Yuuri only introduced himself by his first name and Miss Sweeney doesn't believe in presence lists.

Yuuri puts his water bottle down and frowns. "Uh, no. People always ask me, but I don't have."

There's a minute of silence in which Yuuri doesn't suggest any other social media he has, instead taking one last bite of his apple.

Paul sighs in defeat and Rachel finds herself extending her arm and patting him on the shoulder. "There, there. You can have my FB account, if it makes you feel better."

He laughs. "Can I really?"

The next second she is searching her profile on Paul's smartphone. (Her face appears as soon as she types 'ra'. Odd.)

Tsuki whistles. "Someone's almost getting to the first base."

"Now the stalking is authorized!"

Rachel buries her face in her arms with a groan and Yuuri stares at his eaten apple thoughtful. "Should I create an account...?"

.

.

.

"You're late today." Rachel jumps a bit and turns to Paul, walking right beside her. "And I listened to Weezer and it's trash."

"You are late too. And yes, but in a good, hilarious and sarcastic way. Did you listen to 'The greatest man that ever lived'? If you didn't like it, you listened to it wrong."

"How does one listen to something wrong?"

"Well, first you obviously- What is that?"

Yuuri is just outside their classroom and there is a blond– boy? girl?– _person_ shouting at him. Literally angry screaming and _kicking the wall_.

"The hell?"

Then Yuuri trembles and braces himself and Rachel stomach sinks. "Ok, enough is enough."

She tosses her bag and books over Paul ("Hey!"), pulls her sleeves ups and runs. When she's two steps from them she notices three things:

Yuuri is not crying, he's laughing;

The boy is shouting in Russian; and

Yuuri is answering in perfect Russian (or as perfect as it can be, when you're laughing non-stop).

She stands there, looking a little silly, her fists closed, as Yuuri laughs and the blond – Man? Boy? Teenager? – shouts. She gets something about a really, really stupid old man, but that's how far her listening skills go.

It takes them a minute or two to notice her, the blond bully shuts up and arches a brow and Yuuri cleans some tears and waves.

"Ah, Rachel, Paul! Good Morning."

"Uh, hi."

"Good morning." Paul reaches them. Rachel stares the blond with uncertainty. Yuuri notices her stare and smiles.

"This is Yurio, my-"

"That's not my name and if you were going to say what i think you were, I'll kill you, Katsudon." Yurio (not-Yurio?) switches to English and his light accent makes his voice even scarier.

"This is Yuri" Yuuri corrects but then his eyes glint and there's a devious smiles she would've never imagined in his face: "my son."

Yuri(?) groans and murmurs something like 'I give up'. "Just tell that stupid old man I'm not using his damn costume. 'Family tradition' my ass. It doesn't even make sense."

He leaves with a huff and a last glare and Yuuri smiles fondly.

"Son?" Paul asks.

"Uh? Ah, not really, of course. We just like to tease Yurio."

"We? You mean you and this old ma-"

"You speak Russian fluently?" Rachel blurts.

Yuuri gives her a puzzled look.

"Well, of course."

 _'Of course'_.

"Why are you even in this class?"

"Ah. I never really studied it, so what i know is more of daily vocabulary. And I can't read the cursive to save my life."

"Oh." She takes her books back with a quiet 'Thanks'. "Funny. I can write it and read it a little, but i can't speak at all, let alone understand it."

They make their way into the classroom and Paul gives her a skeptical look. "A little? You write it perfectly."

She dismisses it with a hand. "Good morning girls."

Yuuri sits and gives her an understanding look, distributing smiles and 'good morning's before turning to her again. "Can I see your writing?"

"Sure, let me get my text book-" She opens it and quickly scribes the first thing that comes to her mind. 'Old man'. Heh.

"Oh, but your cursive is good!" He murmurs the word and laughs. "Totally different from when some lazy Russians write it."

The impressed stare in Yuuri's face is replaced by an annoyed expression, his mouth turns into a thin line and his eyes darken.

Rachel flinches a little and quickly searches for a change of subject. "A-anyway, we could form a study group, what do you think? Since you speak well and I can write."

"Oh, good." Tsu says. "And you both can teach us everything."

"That would be nice." Yuuri agrees.

"I'm not sure how we got to this, but I agree!" Hana exclaims.

"Hum, ok, how are your schedules every… Thursday evening?"

.

.

.

They start that same week. They get a room at the library and do pretty fine until Hana says "Oh, the Grand Prix starts next month, right?"

It's been half an hour since Yuuri started gushing about ice skaters.

"Phichit has a solid program, and he always excites the audience. And Otabek was really strong at nationals, but I can attest Yuri's step sequence is record breaking this season."

Hana laughs. "Sometimes I forget how much of a Nikiforov's fanboy you are."

Yuuri stops talking excited and blushes, sinking on his chair. "Well, it's not just because Viktor choreographed it. I mean, yes, he did a great job, but Yuri has this fierceness and elegance that comes entirely form his own efforts. He is Russia's Ice Tiger after all." He finishes with a proud smile.

"I can't say because, truly, I only pay attention to Evgenias's programs."

"That's understandable, I mean-"

"How long have you been Viktor's fan, Yuuri?"

Tsuki cuts in, probably to skip all the boring stuff about figure skating and to try to get more information about Yuuri himself.

"Huh" Yuuri blushes even more and laughs awkwardly. "Forever, I guess? I was twelve when I first saw him skate, so I guess that answers your question."

"That long? That's pretty incredible, to follow his work all this time." Rachel says.

"And how bad was it? You know, having an idol is quite embarrassing sometimes, especially if you've been a fan at such a young age."

"Oh, it was pretty bad. I used to have all this posters at my room and even a poodle named Viktor."

"Yuuri that's just too cute!"

"If you were that crazy about him, then he probably influenced other aspects of your life?"

"Of course, my entire career is because of him- in different ways, but still."

"Now that I think about it, I never asked- what's your major, Yuuri?"

"I actually have a degree in Psychology. Now I'm taking a master degree in sport psychology."

"Whoa, that's pretty cool." So that's what he means by Viktor shaping his career. "It's nice when you can ally passion and career."

"It's not that interesting, really. Are you guys taking language majors?"

"Yes." Paul says the same time Hana says "No."

"I was meaning to ask: do you take Russian because of Medvedeva-san?"

"Ah, actually no. You could say we were kind of dragged into this class."

"Our major is fashion" Tsuki clarifies "and Rachel's is art."

"What do you mean by 'dragged'?"

"Ah!" Rachel cuts Paul's question. "We should go back to studying. Yuuri, I find it really hard to say the 'pr' sound."

.

.

.

"Anyway, as I was saying, there is this cute guy on my Russian classes-"

"Paul?"

"No- I mean, yes, but there is this other cute guy-"

"Rachel, darling, are you really taking a whole semester of classes to chase pretty boys?"

She drops the half eaten toast. "Mom! That's not it at all, I was just saying-"

"How much Russian will increment your curriculum, yes?"

Rachel gapes. It's not like she can win that argument. Her mother smiles.

"Are you coming today then?"

"Where?"

"Lunch. At my husband's house."

Rachel drops the toast – again – and blinks at her mother for two minutes straight before managing a "what?". Because last time she checked, her parents were divorced and unless her mother married the last night without telling her, that doesn't make any sense.

Leah rolls her eyes. "Rachel, I told you about him already. That patron. From the pub. My Husband."

"Oh. _Oh_. Right, right, the one gushing about his husband. I remember."

"So, want to come? We met his husband. They are lovely and they invited everybody to have lunch at their house with their son."

"Uh, thanks, but I'll pass. Sorry, I'm not up to dinner with this creepy costumer of yours, thanks."

"He is not creepy. Rachel. A little extra maybe, but- Know what? Fine. You're losing."

Rachel rolls her eyes and takes her cellphone form the chair, heading to the door. "See you later, mom."

"See you, darling."

.

.

.

Hana and Paul are still finishing writing the lesson down, so Tsu and Rachel say their farewells to Yuuri – who won't be joining them today - and leave first to get a table at the cafeteria.

The action kinda lost its sense once they stop by the door and keep staring at Yuuri.

"Quite the vision, right?"

"Holy crap!" She jumps and looks to the silver haired figure behind them, apparently ogling Yuuri too.

"Yes." Tsuki nods and sighs.

The man - who is quite the vision himself, if you're into slender bodies and muscles - hums and starts walking into the room.

"Wait, wait! What are you doing?" Tsu snaps, holding him by the sleeve.

"Hum?" The man looks back and furrows his brows. "I'm going to talk to him."

"No you won't."

"Tsu!" Rachel hisses at her friend.

"Rachel, he is not even in our class. It's not fair! You see" she turns to the man, who stares at them with curiosity "there's a line."

"A... line?"

"Yes." She nods, in all seriousness.

Rachel rolls her eyes. "The line is dumb. I talked to him first and yet you are in front of me?"

"You lost two positions 'cause you are stupidly smitten with Paul."

"Am not."

"Are too. Anyway!" She waves Rachel away and points a finger to the man. "You may be hot, but you are new here, so you go to the end of the line like everybody and wait for your turn for trying to woo Yuuri."

"Wow! That's quite… efficient. And how many people there are on this list?"

"As I said, Rachel doesn't count, and I'm sure Mirela wasn't serious about breaking up with her boyfriends. That makes... 23?"

"Amazing, how popular! Isn't he married though? I think I saw a ring on his finger." The man says, tapping his finger on his chin.

"Nah. That's on his right hand."

"I think it's fashion. I mean, he is really stylish, you know, wearing designer clothes and even make up." Tsuki provides.

The man nods, his eyes glistening. "There's nothing I can do then, how unfortunate." It doesn't look like it's unfortunate. In fact, he looks rather pleased. "If that's the case, I must leave."

He shoots one last glance at Yuuri, obliviously writing on his notebook, and leaves with an amused smile on his lips.

"Weird."

"I can't believe he accepted the line thing." Tuski sighs and rests her head on the wall. "If he tried to get Yuuri, we wouldn't stand a chance. There is a God and he just blessed us."

"You haven't left yet?"

"Holy moly!" Rachel jumps again, turning back to find Yuuri behind them. "Oh, hey. We got distracted, I guess." She steps aside, and pulls Tsuki, just so they are not blocking the door anymore.

"I see. Well, see you on Thursday!" He waves, walking away and looking around before sighing and taking his phone from his pocket.

"Should we go?"

"Alright, let's just appreciate the view a little more."

"Tsu!" She reprimands, but doesn't move either.

"Those legs could kill me, it should be illegal being that _thicc_."

"I can hear you saying it with two 'c's, what the hell?"

Tsuki laughs and shows her tongue. " _Thicc_."

Hana and Paul are not happy to find them still at the door, punching and teasing each other, and even less so when they can't get a free table and have each lunch standing.

.

.

.

"Hello".

Rachel puts her book down and looks up with a smile. "Oh, hey Yuuri-"

That's when she _sees_ Yuuri.

He is not wearing his glasses, his hair is slicked back and he is using tight – really tight – sports pants.

Yuuri sits on the bench and frowns, a deep flush growing on his cheeks.

"Uh- sorry, I had to come straight from practice or else I would be too late. Am I too weird? God, I'm looking really weird. I'm making you uncomfortable. I'm sorry, I'm going home and get changed-"

"You're fine!" Rachel screeches. "More than fine. You're great. Not weird at all. Are you using contacts?"

He seems to relax a bit and shakes his head. "No, I just took off my glasses, otherwise they would keep falling and forgot to put them back. Where is everybody?"

"They're taking our drinks at that coffee shop down the srteet. I stayed just so I could keep this table." She knocks the wooden table and weakly smiles, her brain still stuck on the tight pants.

"Oh yeah, it's hard to get a seat on the yard. It's always crowded."

"Hum." She agrees. How does one go from cute pie to hot as fuck like that?

And she is not the only one to notice it, for there is a group of first years sitting at the grass that won't stop giggling and whispering and pointing. Rachel rolls her eyes, because really? They are all college students, can't people see a pretty guy?

(Her cheeks are red and she is hyperventilating, but she isn't giggling, ok?)

"Don't look now, but I guess that group has been staring for a while."

And, of course, because she asks him not to look, Yuuri turns around 180º until he spots the teenagers. The teenagers stop talking the moment Yuuri spots them and he smiles: "Would you like to take a photo?"

Rachel chokes because- damn. People don't say these things in real life, especially cinnamon rolls like Yuuri.

"Savage." She says, surprised and yet amused that Yuuri would say something so mean to cut off the teenagers. She glances back at the group, who are probably dying of embarrassment at such a cold confrontation.

Except they don't look embarrassed at all. Instead of looking away at being caught, they jump from their seats and run to them.

"Can we really?" A boy asks.

And Yuuri runs a hand through his hair, and flashes an enthralling smile. "Of course."

"Could you...?" The boy extends her the cellphone, and she is too dumbstruck to do anything other than nod and take a photo of the group next to Yuuri.

She is taking a picture of Yuuri. With random teenagers.

What.

"Thank you! Thank you so much!" A girls cries.

"It was nice meeting you!"

"My sister won't believe it!"

Yuuri waves as the group goes away and sits with a pleased smile and flushed cheeks. She can't do much other than stare at him.

"Sorry. It happens sometimes, especially when I'm like this." He gestures at his hair and sighs apologetically, putting his glasses on and messing his hair, so his bangs are falling on his eyes as always.

"Uh, it's no problem." She chokes.

Yuuri is so hot random strangers ask to take photos of him.

What. The. Hell?

"Hey, we brought your hot chocolat- Oh my God, Rachel died?"

"Huh, Rachel said to wake her up when things start making sense again. I'm not sure what that means…?"

.

.

.

"Good morning, Pan!" Rachel waves and lays her hands at the counter.

Pandora takes a blue stray of hair and tugs it behind her ear. "Rachel. It's never a good morning before 9 a.m."

"True. I need a hot chocolate without cream, two coffees with milk and, uh, do you remember what Yuuri asked last time, Paul?" She tilts her head back, to stare at the man behind her.

"I think it was a mocha?"

"Was it?"

"Katsudon?" A boy behind Pandora scowls. "He likes extra sweet mochas, but can't have it that way because he is a piggy. Well, I suppose he can now that he's retired."

"Retired?" Rachel frowns at him for a second before something clicks. "Oh, you are Yurio!"

"Hah?!"

"I-I mean Yuri. You're the other Yuri."

He studies her as if deciding if "the other Yuri" is worse than Yurio or not.

Paul put his arm around her shoulders. "You're the guy Rachel wanted to punch."

"I didn't-" Paul smiles and arches a brow, and Rachel just blushes. "Well- anyway. You work here?"

Yuri(o) stares unimpressed. Pandora squeals and Rachel turns to see she dropped coffee all over her apron.

"Uh, sorry I- Can you take their order Yurio? I- uh- I need to-" She gestures to her messed clothes and leaves.

"Stupid." He says, but ends up making their drinks and taking their money. "Tell the pig I said hi."

"Alright. Tell Pan goodbye for me. And that I think I heard mom talking to her parents about a dinner tonight or something." Rachel peeks at the employee's door. "She left in a hurry…"

"Is 'carrier-pigeon' written on my face?"

Rachel rolls her eyes. "Fine, I'll text her later. Bye."

"Are you friends?" Paul asks on their way to the campus.

"Pandora? We are neighbors." She takes a sip of her chocolate and coughs when it burns her tongue. "But really, how is Yuuri friends with that kid? He is an ass."

"Maybe they're like, I don't know, family friends or whatever?"

"I guess. Still hard to believe cinnamon roll Yuuri and douchebag Yuri are friends. Then again, everything about Yuuri is hard to believe. Did I tell you about the photo incident last week?"

.

.

.

"Hello?" A man knocks on the door.

"Yes?" Their teacher hasn't arrived yet – Miss Sweeney is always late – and she is the closest to the door who's paying enough attention to answer the man (Paul's too busy with his earphones).

"Is there a Yuuri Katsuki-Nikiforov here?"

She blinks at the strange surname, but nods. It's not like she understands much of Japanese surnames, though it sounds familiar. "He is not here yet, though."

"I was paid to deliver it here. Can you just point me his desk or something?"

She points the sit beside her. The man tosses the package there and excuses himself out the room. So professional.

Tsu perks at Yuuri's desk, despite Hana and Rachel's scolding and gapes. She takes the offending object and turns to their class.

"Alright, which of you fuckers did this?"

She squeezes a transparent box with a single perfect blue rose above her head. The entire class is silent.

Tsuki groans. "We had a deal. A deal! Everyone respects their place in line, no one acts before who's first and no one makes a move until the last month of classes."

"Nobody agreed to your stupid line thing." Gabriela bites.

"Oh, I knew it was you, you sneaky motherfucker." Tsuki squeezes the flower. "And everyone agreed to it. It's the fairest option!"

"You just put your name first and placed everyone else randomly."

"I did it to the order everyone talked to him, not my fault if you were slow as-"

"Good… morning?"

Everybody turn around to find Yuuri looking confused at the door. Tsuki takes her foot down the desk and hands him the flower. "Someone asked to give you this."

"Ah thanks."

Rachel counts to eight until she can no longer hold her curiosity: "So, who sent you flowers?"

"Vitya." He says as if that's enough explanation.

"And why is this Vichichi-wahtever sending you flowers?" Tsuki inquires.

Hana groans. "You're being stupid on purpose, right?"

Yuuri turns to them and adjust his glasses. "Oh. It's my birthday."

There's a generalized gasp in the classroom.

Today is Yuuri birthday. And nobody bought any present. Nobody even congratulated him. Hell, it's Yuuri birthday! They should be showering him in gifts and singing birthday songs.

How come none of them ever thought of asking Yuuri his birthday?

"Good morning class! Today lesson is ad- did someone die?"

.

.

.

"Okay!" Hana jumps the second Professor Sweeney closes her mouth, earning a glare form their teacher. "We are having lunch at somewhere special, Yuuri!"

"Huh? There's no need guys-"

"Hana's right!" Tsuki says, pulling Yuuri by his arm. "You probably have dinner plans, right? So we're taking you out for lunch. And not this garbage they call lunch in the campus, we are going somewhere nice."

"But I have classes this afternoon-"

"We're taking my car; we'll be back in time for your classes. Rachel has to work anyway."

"Where are we going?" Paul asks, once they're all settled in the car.

"To the pub Rachel's mom works at! She makes the best waffles!"

"True." Rachel agrees.

Tsuki laughs. "Meeting the mother already, oh my, things are escalating quickly."

Rachel decides to ignore them and smiles at Yuuri. "How many years old are you turning today, Yuuri?"

.

.

.

"An~d here we are." Hana sings.

Yuuri stops at the door and turns to face her. "Your mother works here?"

"Yeah, she cooks."

"You're Leah's daughter, then?"

"You know my mom?"

"We had lunch together not long ago. This place is animal friendly, so Vitya's always here. He kind of befriended everyone here."

"Oh."

Indeed, Yuuri is greeted by every member the staff when they arrive. Her mother had lunch with Yuuri and didn't tell her?

"Hey Gale, can you ask Leah to make her special waffles? It's Yuuri birthday!" Hana asks, pulling a chair.

"Sure. Happy birthday Yuuri! Are you alone today?"

"Ah, I didn't tell Vitya I was coming. But I guess he'll come here, right?"

"Ah, yes. It's about time he arrives."

Gale walks away with their order and Yuuri gives a knowing smiles. "Vitya thinks I don't know, but he never cooks if I'm not home."

"He eats here every day? How much money he spends here weekly?"

"More than I like to think."

Rachel is about to ask who exactly is Vitya and why he needs Yuuri to cook for him when Tsuki elbows her.

"Look at the door and then hide and pretend you saw nothing." She whispers.

"What-" The man with silver hair from the other day is walking in with a giant poodle. "Ah. I take it you are ashamed for that little show?"

"Huh? No. What if he sees Yuuri and tries again? We wouldn't stand a chance, I told you already."

Of course. Rachel ignores her and tries to get back into the conversation, but Hana stopped laughing and is currently gaping.

"Holy- Yuuri, please don't freak out now, but, oh my god, Viktor Nikiforov just got in here."

Tsuki and Rachel turn but there is no other person entering except for the man and his poodle.

"Hum no, he didn't?" Tsuki says.

"Yes he did. I know that silver hair. Tell them, Yuuri!"

Rachel can only look back at the man, friendly greeting Gale and Nora, and look back at Tsuki.

"What have we done?" Tsuki mouths.

"Holy shit!" Pauls exclaims. "It's okay, Yuuri, you can freak out. _I_ am freaking out."

Yuuri furrows his brows. "Why would I-?"

"Don't hold yourself, Yuuri, this is your chance to live your dream!"

"Yuuri, this is just magical. It's like, a birthday gift from heavens." Paul says.

"Go get a photo and an autograph! Live your dream!"

"Guys, what-"

"What do we do? We ruined everything." Tsuki whispers.

Rachel refrains from saying the she didn't ruin anything and instead looks at Yuuri, who looks very disconcerted himself. "Shit. Look, Yuuri-"

"We ruined all your chances with your idol. I'm so sorry." Tsuki blurts.

"What-"

"What are you guys talking about?" Hana jumps in. "Viktor is married already. To that Japanese skater he coached, I think his name was Katsuki Yu- Wait a sec-"

"Look! He is coming! We'll explain everything and you can get your autograph, a photo and maybe laid, ok?"

"Yeah. We were assholes and we're sorry, but we didn't know!" Tsuki stands and waves. "Here, here!"

 _Viktor Nikiforov_ notices them and waves, a big smile on his face. His dog barks. She's trying to think what to say to fix this mess when Viktor walks through them and throw himself in Yuuri's arms.

"Viktor!" Yuuri squeals and hugs him back.

"Wow." Tsuki says after a minute of silence. "That went better than expected. We didn't even have to apologize and play wingman."

"Viktor!" Yuuri finally says, pulling him away, and patting the big and old looking dog. "Viktor, these are Rachel, Hana, Tsuki and Paul, my classmates. Guys, this is my _husbando_ , Viktor."

"Nice to meet you, Yuuri's classmates!"

Hana stares not seeming to hear them. "You're Yuuri Katsuki."

"Huh, yeah."

"You're Yuuri Katsuki."

"Yes. You know, things got a bit weird."

"You're saying?!" Paul says. "Holy shit, your idol just entered here and kissed you- wait, you said husband?"

"He is Yuuri Katsuki." Hana shrieks turning to them and looking a bit mad.

"Uh, yeah, you suddenly know his name because..?" Paul asks. Rachel still can't take her eyes off of Yuuri and the man curled over him.

"He is Yuuri Katsuki. As in: Olympic champion ice skater, who holds two current world records and is married to Viktor Nikiforov."

Rachel blinks. "What?"

"How come you never mentioned anything about ice skating?" Hana asks.

"Uh, I did? All the time?" He says with a frown. Viktor laughs against his neck.

"No, I mean- you never said anything about you being an ice skater?"

"And you're married?!" Tsuki shouts, finally finding her voice again. "To Viktor Nikiforov?"

"Uh, yes? I'm sure I told you more than once Viktor's my _husbando_."

"Oh my God." Hana face palms and Rachel finally gets it. "When you said Viktor Nikiforov was your _husbando_..."

"... it was not the meme...

"... and just your accent..."

"...and you were actually serious about being married to your idol?"

"Uh, I guess?"

"I thought Viktor was your _husbando_ just like Evgenia is my _waifu_ : in my dreams."

"That means you are not really married?"

"Hum, no. We're not. I've never seen her in person."

They stare each other for a couple more seconds before Viktor's quiet giggles grow into a full, loud laugh. "Yuuri, this keeps happening!"

"But I thought I told them this time!"

"And you said you had lunch with my mom…" Rachel says frowning before it clicks. "You are My Husband!" She points to Viktor.

"Vitya why do people keep calling you their husband?"

Yuuri frowns and Viktor shrugs.

"Wow." Rachel sinks on her chair. "And I thought the best thing in Russian I would be sitting behind my crush."

At that Paul turns to her.

"But you sit behind me?"

"I mean- I meant- " She bites her lips and groans. "Ugh, I uh may or may have a crush on you since we had art together? And I actually taking this class because I knew you would take it? And also I have been stalking you on Facebook for a while."

Paul just stares at her.

"Ah, I'm so sorry. I understand if you never want to see me again because it is creepy and I- are you laughing?"

"S-sorry I-" He covers his mouth but keep laughing. "Sorry; this is funny."

Ouch.

"No, no, no, not in that way." Paul quickly adds, his laugh turning into giggles. "I'm not laughing at you; I'm laughing at the situation."

"I'm glad my situation is funny to you…?"

"Not like that! You see, there's this girl I've been crushing for a while."

"Ok, are you really rejecting me now? 'Cause I confessed by accident, so could we just pretend it didn't happen?"

"Can I talk?" He asks and she nods with a sigh. "So this girl- I only saw her at the library, because she works there, you know. And I would go there and take books I didn't need just so I could talk to her- except we didn't talk, because she would barely look at me-"

"What's your point?"

Paul gives her an annoyed look. "So one day I heard her saying she would finally take watercolor classes and I kind of went straight to the secretary to try and take that class too?"

"Huh- so you took watercolor classes because you had a crush on someone at that class- Ah! So you're saying we are not so different and that's why you won't hate me?"

"What? No I-"

"God, Rachel, how dense can you be? The boy has been crushing on you for, like, forever. Just kiss already." Tsuki groans.

"You mean the girl is _me_?"

"Yes!" Hana shouts before Paul even open his mouth.

"Oh. _Oh_."

"I though you knew? I thought Hana and Tsuki were teasing _me_ and you were just too nice to say anything? And you actually had a crush on me all this time?"

" _You_ actually had a crush on _me all this time_?" She repeats like a parrot, hair brain unable to process anything beyond that.

"Oh Yuuri, this plot twist is making me nostalgic."

"Viten'ka, don't make everything about us. Sorry to disturb." Yuuri adds with a sheepishly smile.

"Uh, no problem." She looks at Paul again, coughs, and turns back to Yuuri and his husband(!). "What is it you were saying about a plot twist?"

Viktor smiles, looking thrilled that she asks. "It's an epic story about a fan and his idol, sixteen flutes of champagne, a dancing competition, naked pole dancing-"

"I wasn't naked!" Yuuri shrieks with a blush.

Tsuki coughs. "You're a famous athlete, married to another famous athlete, who's also your idol, _and you pole dance_?!"

Yuuri buries his face on his hand. "Viktor!"

"Please, Viktor, you need to tell us this story." Hana begs.

Viktor kisses Yuuri's forehead and murmurs a "sorry" before siting straight on his chair and turning to them with a heart shaped smile that doesn't seem sorry at all. "Well, it all starts with this beautiful yet lonely man-"

(Paul takes her hand under the table and Tsuki kicks her three times to 'take that dumb smile' out of her face.) 

* * *

I intend to write two more pieces set in this universe for Yuri and Viktor, but it may take a while 'cause I'm sooo slow D: But it's kind of sketched, so maybe not so long? Idk

Thanks for reading! Feel free to point me any mistakes! 3


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